There are many temples and sacred spots nestled in the snow-clad ranges of the Himalayas. Four among these are collectively called chār-dhām, “four homes.” These are (1) Gangotrī (the source of the river Gaṅgā), (2) Yamunotrī (the source of the river Yamunā), (3) Badari-Nārāyaṇa or Badarināth (temple dedicated to Śrī Viṣṇu), and (4) Kedāranāth (temple dedicated to Śrī Śiva). Tens of thousands of pilgrims visit these sites every year. Even today all of these (except Badari) involve substantial amount of walking before the destination is reached.
Sometime in the 1950s a swami of the Ramakrishna Order was on a pilgrimage to Kedāranāth. On his way from Gaurīkund to the Temple, he saw an old woman trudging along with her hand on the shoulder of a young boy who was guiding her up the 10-mile-long, steep, winding and narrow path. Many pilgrims young and old, men and women—a few on horseback and daṇḍis, but most on foot—were on their way to the Temple.
The sight of an old woman going up the path shouldn’t have been surprising but for the fact that she was stark blind. The swami was awed by her determination and devotion. He was also curious. He asked her respectfully, “What is it that draws you to the Temple? You’ve undertaken this arduous journey, but at the end of it you won’t see Bābā Kedāranāth.”
She seemed a bit surprised at this question and the logic that prompted it. Then she smiled. With folded hands raised to her head and eyes filled with tears and devotion, she said, “It’s true that I won’t see him. But, surely, Bābā Kedāranāth will see me when I am there.”
The swami stood there, stunned. What a revelation it was to him! He was on his way to have the darśan of Bābā Kedāranāth. It was obvious that Kedāranāth too would see him. But he had never thought about it that way. It came to him like a flash now: “I shall see the Lord only when I reach the Temple. But the Lord is seeing me right now, right here!”
The swami knew there and then that his pilgrimage had borne fruit through this message from the Lord: “I am always seeing you.” This message remained with the swami thereafter. It had been to him a constant source of inspiration, security and strength—this is what he told me, some twenty years later, when I was a monastic novice in the 1970s.
As devotees and spiritual seekers, we don’t need to be told that God is seeing us always. It’s obvious, and yet, how very often the obvious eludes our attention! We tend to forget that whether or not we see God, God is always seeing us. Whether or not we hear God’s voice, God is always hearing ours. “But what’s the use of it all if I don’t feel God seeing and hearing me? And because I don’t feel it, I can’t remember it,” we may want to say. But then remember is precisely what we ought to do. We must remember God’s presence because we are not able to feel it. Once we begins to feel God’s presence, there would be no need to remember it.
What are the benefits of remembering that God is seeing me? First and foremost, we will no longer feel lonely and depressed. Initially when we try to draw the mind away from the distractions of the world, we find it to be an uphill task. It becomes a bit easier if we withdraw into solitude to think about God. But even in solitude we carry with us the same troubled mind, and directing the mind Godward and keeping it there continues to be difficult. Physically—and to some extent even mentally, if we try hard enough—we may be able to cut ourselves off from worldly distractions, but establishing a living contact with God usually takes time.
In the interim period, bouts of loneliness and depression can occur. The feeling of loneliness is overcome easily if we try to remember that we are not alone and hence can never be lonely. Is there any place where God is not? Is there any time when God is not? No one can ever be alone anywhere. God is our constant companion. Never mind if God is not visible this moment. Visible or not, he is present. Just because the stars cannot be seen during the day, it doesn’t mean they are not there. We may not see God at present, but that shouldn’t prevent us from remembering that “God is seeing me.” How can we be then lonely? Why should we be then depressed?
The thought that God is seeing us but we are not able to see God can be depressing in a different sort of way. Normally depressions can be paralyzing, not so the “depression” caused by our inability to see God. This is in fact strengthening, because it pushes out all other depressions. A tremendous vigor gets injected into our spiritual practices. It revolutionizes our entire approach to God. “Don’t seek God, see him,” Swami Vivekananda said. God is not hiding anywhere that we must move heaven and earth to search him out. God is here, right before us if we open our eyes, and in the depths of our heart if we close our eyes. We must see him. If we are not able to see God here and now, there’s no possibility whatsoever of seeing God somewhere else at some other time.
We may wonder, “Why don’t I see him then?” The answer is obvious. Our vision is defective. We are suffering from cataract. The lens of the inner eye has become cloudy, dusty and sticky due to desires and attachments of all sorts. This lens must be cleaned. All spiritual disciplines are, in fact, direct or indirect ways of cleaning the inner lens. We have to perform a kind of spiritual surgery through which the cataract is removed and our vision becomes clear. It is through the cleaned and purified eye—Sri Krishna called it the divine eye in the Gita (11.8)—that we can see God.
Meditation means “seeing” God, not merely “thinking” about him. We may think about a friend who is away or who is no more. But when our friend is here sitting right in front of us, we don’t “think” about her, we “see” her, we talk to her, we hear her, don’t we? That is what we must do in meditation. When we can do that, we can be said to be really meditating. Although “thinking” is different from “meditation,” it is usually a stepping-stone to meditation. Deep and ceaseless thinking about God is what gets miraculously transformed at some stage into meditation on God. Remembering always that God is ever-present and “God is seeing me,” helps a great deal in improving the quality of meditation.
Yet another benefit of always remembering that “God is seeing me” is the strength it gives us. A child may be afraid when it is alone, but it fears no one when its father or mother is around. The child feels strong in the strength of his parents. Just so is the case with us when we remembers that God is always around. Why should we then fear anything? If we are afraid of something, we are unconsciously insulting God. It is as if we are saying, “I don’t think God will be able to handle this matter. God won’t be able to protect me from this danger.”
Fear and anxiety are signs of lack of faith in God. Here are the words of Swami Ramakrishnananda, an eminent disciple of Sri Ramakrishna:
“Actually very few of us believe in God all the time. How do we know this? Because we allow anxieties and fears to arise in our minds. If we really have faith in God and in his infinite power of goodness, we can never feel fearful about anything.”
These words are invaluable and authentic, because they come from one who stood like an adamantine rock of courage, fortitude and faith in the face of difficulties throughout his life. What gave Ramakrishnananda the great poise and strength for which he is remembered even today? The faith that God is seeing him and protecting him always. Moreover, in his case the faith had also blossomed into actual experience. That is what happens always. Faith and intellectual conviction mature into experience, and experience leads to unshakeable certitude.
The strength that we derive by remembering “God is seeing me” helps us not only to overcome difficulties but also to forge ahead fearlessly with whatever task we are engaged in. It is said that St. Teresa of Avila (1515–1582) once wanted to build a large orphanage. Her starting capital was a meagre three shillings. Friends naturally warned her to be prudent and wait for funds before beginning the construction. What did Teresa say? Simply this: “With three shillings Teresa can do nothing. But with three shillings and God, there is nothing that Teresa cannot do.” When we feel really secure in God, we find that every other form of security is not worth a straw. When remembering “God is seeing me” becomes habitual with us, we discover that God provides us the supreme security. We realize that God is never a detached witness. It is God who really does everything, we are merely his instruments.
The awareness “God is seeing me” is also a shield that protects us. No elephant becomes unruly when the mahout is sitting atop with the goad in hand. When the God-mahout is nearby, the mind-elephant does not go berserk. It is easy to be good and disciplined when surrounded by critics and watchdogs, or by friends and admirers. The fear of censure or ridicule, or the desire to appear at one’s best, takes care of us even if our own inner restraints are not sufficiently strong.
But what about the time when we are alone? Or when we feel no one would know? It is during such times that most transgressions harmful to spiritual progress occur. There is nothing then to stop the untrained mind from going down by the drag of old habits. The awareness “God is seeing me” protects us from doing what we should never do, irrespective of whether or not we would be found out. It is not difficult to fool human beings, but it is impossible to fool God.
Spiritual life is a disciplined life. One of the easiest ways of disciplining one’s life is to always remember, “God is seeing me.” Swami Akhandananda, another great disciple of Sri Ramakrishna, once described how early rising became a rule with him. He usually was up early but on one occasion he heard the bell ringing during the morning Ārati when he was still in bed. He hurriedly rose with the thought, “Shame on me! The Lord is up and I am asleep.” Never again did he miss the Ārati.
Every act of ours acquires sanctity and a new meaning when we remembers “God is seeing me.” Eating, for instance, ceases to be a physical act and becomes worship. If God is seeing me, can I eat anything without offering it first to him? We mentally offer to God every morsel and then eat it as his prasāda. We keep both our home and our heart clean and tidy for God. “God is seeing me” prevents us from thinking, speaking and doing what we should not and it encourages us to regulate our lives the way we must.
In the initial stages, we may discipline our lives out of “fear” of God. But this phase normally doesn’t last long. How long can we really fear someone who is always nearby? Even the capacity to fear has its limits. Besides, as our understanding grows, we think of God not as a cop sticking around to catch a criminal red-handed, but as our father, mother, friend—all rolled into one. We realize that far from wanting to punish us, God is on the contrary eager to reward us. God wants us to succeed and is ready to help and cheer our efforts. The only urge we may have then is to live a true and authentic life, and measure up to what God expects of us. Thus “God is seeing me” sends entirely different signals to a spiritual seeker than what “A cop is watching me” sends to a thief.
Thus we see that the practice of remembering “God is seeing me” frees us from the spells of loneliness and depression, helps us focus our mind on God, drives away anxiety and fear, fills us with strength to forge ahead toward the ideal, protects us from the slips and stumbles in spiritual life caused by careless living, and disciplines and divinizes our life. What is remarkable about the practice of remembering “God is seeing me” is that it is entirely within our reach. With the faith of a child and with persistent effort, anyone can discover the enormous benefits of this practice.
These benefits become infinitely more potent when the faith that “God is seeing me” blossoms into the actual, lived experience of seeing God. This blossoming occurs by the grace of God. It can take any length of time depending upon the purity of our life and the intensity of our effort. Thus the period could be in terms of lives or years or months or even days. Maybe even a few hours. Our job is to do our best and leave the rest in God’s hands.