It is easy to get along with those with whom we feel comfortable and somehow connected. It is natural that we may not feel the same level of comfort and connection with others. Is there some way that spiritual seekers can learn to get along with everyone, connection or no connection, comfort or no comfort? Since most of us work and live in group settings most of the time, this question becomes especially important both for collective harmony and individual peace of mind.
With experience we may have developed our own personal strategies for dealing with difficult people. Some of the practical tips in books like Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People have benefited generations of readers.
To supplement our own favorite methods, here are a few points for reflection and, if they make sense, remembering these things may help:
No one is really “evil.” Everyone is trying to be happy and do the best they can. Not everyone knows the best way to be happy and to remain happy. Every one of us is a work in progress.
We all have our strengths and our weaknesses, and most people—certainly spiritual seekers, in particular—are aware of these and are trying to eliminate their weaknesses. Some are better at it than others.
To support and help others is a good idea, recognizing that we too have received support and help from many. If this is too difficult, then we can at least pray for others.
If getting along with someone is challenging, I need to ask myself, “Is he/she difficult to get along? Or am I being difficult to work with?” What I discover may well be both surprising and humbling.
Difficult people give us opportunities to practice forbearance. As Holy Mother Sarada Devi said, “One who forbears, survives. One who doesn’t, is destroyed.”
We don’t always succeed in our efforts at self-improvement. These things take time. It is helpful to remember that the same is true for those whose behavior or way of doing things is different from our own, and which we may be tempted to see as their character-faults.
Just because someone is different from me does not necessarily mean that the person is somehow wrong or bad. It is the variety in human nature and enterprise that makes this world such a wonderful place in which to live and learn.
Most importantly, we must never forget that, if it is true that the Divine Presence pervades the entire universe, then everyone and everything we see is permeated by that Presence. If I am not able to see God in a person, it is my fault, not that person’s.
Sincere reflection and self-introspection will help us all to live in harmony, supporting one another in an atmosphere of mutual respect, understanding and friendship.